Apr 17 17

Dealers Choice

Kimberly Clapp

The only hand in poker that can beat four aces is a royal flush. If you have four aces and get beat by a royal flush it is called a bad beat. The payout for a bad beat is much larger than the payout for winning a hand with four aces. It isn’t often that losing offers a bigger payout than winning. What if losing always had a bigger payout? What would it mean to fail up? What if losing got you closer to your purpose? Offered clarity? Growth? New ideas? More money? Security?

Dealers choice right?

A therapist can help you change perspective and sort through disappointments, problems, “failures” , bad beats. It may help to have a trained professional help you discover what could emerge from this bad beat rather than asking why did this happen to me. Is there another way to look at this problem?

Disclaimer:
This post is in no way meant to promote gambling. If you think you have a problem with gambling please go to:
http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/

 

Mar 28 17

EMDR and My Cousin Vinny

Kimberly Clapp

Have you ever seen the movie My cousin Vinny? I love the part when Marisa Tomei responds to Joe Pesci, (as he asks her if she likes what he is wearing as he is getting ready to go hunting) She describes the experience of the little deer peacefully sipping from the brook and then the hunter comes along and disrupts that peaceful moment, she asks do you really think the deer cares what your wearing! In the movie it is more descript and funny. Think of that little deer in the forest, the deer may startle and look up every time they hear wind rustling in the bushes, 99% of the time it is just wind. One time out of a 100 it could be Joe Pesci.
This is the story of EMDR.
People who have experienced trauma may respond in the same way, they may be hyperviglant to any ‘noise’, a potential physical or emotional threat. Often times they have negative beliefs about themselves, like I am defective, I am not in control, I should have known better.
Often times people feel shame when they hit the deck every time a car backfires. They feel if they were ‘stronger’ they wouldn’t respond that way. This is not how trauma works, untreated the brain runs the show.
I am happy to announce that I have completed my EMDR training and can officially say I am EMDR trained. I will continue the process towards certification through additional hours of consultation and CEU’s. I have joined the EMDR International Association, see link below. You can learn more about EMDR on their website. I have also included a link to the Institute for Creative Mindfulness, this is where I completed my training. Both sites offer a variety of general information and resources on EMDR. EMDR is an evidence based treatment that was founded by Dr. Francine Shapiro. Over the course of my training and practicum I was amazed at the results I was seeing and am eager to work with clients in offering relief from trauma along with a myriad of other issues that EMDR addresses.
What the sessions will look like:
In the initial sessions we spend time on identifying targets, stuck points in your life. We may explore mindfulness exercises and other resource based practices prior to reprocessing. EMDR reprocessing is a technique used to reprocess traumatic events or memories and the negative beliefs attached to them.
During reprocessing memories we use
bi lateral stimulation, using tappers or by simulating eye movements. Tapping is technique used to stimulate areas of the brain that hold traumatic memories. These memories can be “stuck” in the limbic brain (physiological system) resulting in a physiological responses rather than in the neocortex which allows for critical thinking.
EMDR treats this through reprocessing and bilateral stimulation, activating the brain in a way that my not be receptive to other methods.
I do work collaboratively and do not subscribe to the one size fits all theory. I do feel that ever client has their own needs and like to work with people where they are in their life. EMDR has a protocol that I do adhere to but I am flexible based on a client’s needs.
Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have. I wish you all the best!
http://www.emdria.org/default.asp?
http://www.instituteforcreativemindfulness.com

Aug 31 15

Am.I.Alone

Kimberly Clapp
Depression
Sadness
Lack of motivation
Fear
Anxiety
Stress
Nothing took forward to
Failure
Fear of success
Fear of being happy…the other shoe will drop
If  have something it will be taken away
People pleasing
Scared of people
Irritability
Anger
Rage
Feel like your walking around with a back pack of bricks
No energy
Lack of productivity
Can’t match other people’s energy
Not as happy as others think I should be
Knowing what your capable of but can’t seem to get there
No your not alone……
Aug 31 15

Change.Is.Possible

Kimberly Clapp

Yes, people can change…

Wanting to change and being able to change our very separate concepts. People can change, it is possible and part of the human experience. People do it all the time, it doesn’t matter how long they have been living. People stop lieing and commit to rigorous honesty, people stop negative self talk, people start taking care of themselves, they get sober from dehabilitating addictions, they stop judging others and themselves… the list goes on and on….

In my experience change is more probable when there is support and help from others, be it a group or an individual. Breaking habits is not easy to do alone but with the support of a trained professional or support group it can move from unlikely to probable. It doesn’t mean people can’t change on their own but why not get the support one deserves.

You can change.

Your relationship can change.

Your life can change.

Everyone deserves to to be happy, healthy and whole!

You may try taking a moment to reflect on your quality of life and ask the questions, what is going well? What could be better?

 

 

Jun 15 15

Breakups…Shakeups and Soup

Kimberly Clapp

Relationships end…

Connection turns to disconnection….

People leave or get left…..

Betrayal, change, growth….

People leave people they love,  you may love them but not their behavior.

People who are not who they say they are, the mask comes off, they misrepresented themselves.

Relationships can be like a big pot of soup, there can be many ingredients, sweet, salty, savory and spicy. Some flavors stronger than others….a disagreement over missing ingredients. Everything gets thrown into the pot: the past, the present and even hopes for the future. It can come to a boil cooking too fast or the burner can go out without anyone noticing…why is this soup so cold?

What is this soup missing?

More often than not a lot of time has been spent trying to doctor up the soup….. then comes a day when one or more decide the soup must be thrown out….often times leaving a bittersweet taste…it can painful to let it go. But so much time has been spent…

Processing and grieving can take time, it can be a painful process with a lot of conflicting feelings. Lots of questions, fears, anxieties, financial stressors, sadness and anger.

How will I ever trust again? Will I ever be happy? Why do I keep attracting the same people in my life?

 

How a therapist may help:

Process the grief – see last blog post

Look for patterns in relationships

Change the selection process

Identify opportunities for growth

Make sense of what happened or didn’t happen

Sort out what makes sense and what will never make sense

Separate what and how you feel from how others feel and what they say happened

 

Some things that may help:

Journaling

Writing, creating, crafting, drawing, dancing

Telling the story as many times as you need

Building or rebuilding a support network…asking the question who can I rely on to be supportive and non-judgmental?

Reintroduce yourself to things you love that may have been lost during the relationship…

Finding ways to laugh and have fun….

Letting go of the pressure to move on and get over it….to be ok with not beng able to laugh and have fun.

Remember…it will not always feel this intense but it is a process that take time and is individual for everyone.

 

Jun 6 15

Grief.Raw.Grief

Kimberly Clapp
Closure…a new normal ….
What does that even mean…
If you get to a road closure…dead end…don’t you find a new way…kick on the GPS or WAZE…
Grief can be like that. It reaches a dead end,  kicks on its GPS or WAZE and away it goes. It is smart like DNA, it always finds a way. A new way, insidious and penetrating.
It mutates…
The house has burned down, the ash has settled, the embers have cooled…now I can enter and sort through the charred remains of what’s left. You enter the house and new ash begins to fall, embers that appeared  black are now returning to that excruciating dull orange. You stand in the debris and wonder how can I sort through this when ash is still falling? When will it stop falling…
Things that may or may not help:
Grief is as individual as a fingerprint
Grief is fluid not linear, it has a life of its own and may move through you like the Eel river, upstream. It may be as wild as the current in Portsmouth Harbor or quiet and whispering like a Golden pond.
You will not get stuck on the couch watching bad TV and eating pizza. Do it when you need to for as long as you need to…You.wont.get.stuck.
How therapy can help:
Thoughts, feelings and beliefs can be discussed in a confidential place. Meaning you can say things to your therapist you may not want to say to friends and family. Maybe you are afraid to say it aloud, but it is there and you are holding it…alone.
Feeling relief when someone you love passes after a long illness can be hard to say but it is ok.
Therapy can help you learn how to talk to others about your grief, how to tell others what you need. Maybe talking about the person you lost is important to you but others don’t know that you need that or what to say.
Grief can be experienced in many ways for many reasons. A therapist can support you through this process of grief …sorting it through….one ash at a time.
May 28 15

Anxiety…Friend or Foe?

Kimberly Clapp

Understandably the experience of anxiety can feel uncomfortable, painful and frustrating. It can block creativity and productivity. Most certainly reducing anxiety is an important place to start in therapy and a goal of many persons who live with constant anxiety. It can also be of use in understanding

It is important to remember to expect some anxiety, you may find that you are more anxious and feeling more angry with yourself when you try to fight it or are surprised by it. Remind yourself that the anxiety is a sign that you care, the outcome is important to you. You might ask yourself if your spending valuable time investing in something that it is not as important to you? In working with students with test anxiety we often review what stressors can be eliminated, often we find that they are spending time with other students who have a negative outlook or are participating in a study group that is not helpful. Prehaps you can’t avoid a negative work situation but you can limit your time in an area that has more flexibility.

You may ask the question, what is standing in the way of asking for help, who is in your support network? Where is the comfort in constantly running? Where does my mind go and what feelings come up in the quiet moments? What might I be avoiding?

A therapist is trained to listen for places where you may be stuck, offer help and support with finding other options.

Take Care,

Kim