Breakups…Shakeups and Soup

Posted by
Jun 15 15

Relationships end…

Connection turns to disconnection….

People leave or get left…..

Betrayal, change, growth….

People leave people they love,  you may love them but not their behavior.

People who are not who they say they are, the mask comes off, they misrepresented themselves.

Relationships can be like a big pot of soup, there can be many ingredients, sweet, salty, savory and spicy. Some flavors stronger than others….a disagreement over missing ingredients. Everything gets thrown into the pot: the past, the present and even hopes for the future. It can come to a boil cooking too fast or the burner can go out without anyone noticing…why is this soup so cold?

What is this soup missing?

More often than not a lot of time has been spent trying to doctor up the soup….. then comes a day when one or more decide the soup must be thrown out….often times leaving a bittersweet taste…it can painful to let it go. But so much time has been spent…

Processing and grieving can take time, it can be a painful process with a lot of conflicting feelings. Lots of questions, fears, anxieties, financial stressors, sadness and anger.

How will I ever trust again? Will I ever be happy? Why do I keep attracting the same people in my life?

 

How a therapist may help:

Process the grief – see last blog post

Look for patterns in relationships

Change the selection process

Identify opportunities for growth

Make sense of what happened or didn’t happen

Sort out what makes sense and what will never make sense

Separate what and how you feel from how others feel and what they say happened

 

Some things that may help:

Journaling

Writing, creating, crafting, drawing, dancing

Telling the story as many times as you need

Building or rebuilding a support network…asking the question who can I rely on to be supportive and non-judgmental?

Reintroduce yourself to things you love that may have been lost during the relationship…

Finding ways to laugh and have fun….

Letting go of the pressure to move on and get over it….to be ok with not beng able to laugh and have fun.

Remember…it will not always feel this intense but it is a process that take time and is individual for everyone.